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the divorced and the divorcing

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My Intro [28 Jul 2015|06:55pm]
mzmuffet
I haven't left my husband... yet. Still working up the courage to do so. I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 20 years and the idea of being out there on my own scares the shit out of me. I don't have a job and I am entering my second year of college this fall.

1. how long were you married? 10 years, after living together for another 12.

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? It was probably dead before it started.

3. when did you start having doubts? Wedding night... when I realized he hadn't said anything about how beautiful I looked.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? I am totally done with relationships. Will probably do the Cougar thing for a while.

5. how long have you been divorced? n/a

6. were there any children or pets? Three of mine and three of his from previous marriages. The kids are all grown and independent now.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? n/a

8. what did your family think? My children are encouraging me to leave. They know how unhappy I've been.

9. when did you really know it was over? Just before Christmas, 2014, during an argument wherein he informed me that the marriage counselor we had seen five years ago had advised him to "run like hell" away from me, but that he was willing to overlook all my faults instead because that's how much he loves me. So, the fact that you *deign* to stay married to this piece of damaged goods is proof of your undying love? And for this I should be ever so fucking grateful? Fuck you.

10. was it a mutual decision? Not sure. Whenever we argue he says stuff like, "If you don't like it, why are you still here?" But when I start packing my shit he begs me to stay.

11. if not, who left whom? I've got one foot out the door.

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? I don't have a job and will probably have to survive on student loans.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? I hoped so.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? He is vindictive. He drug his ex-wife through the mud and strung proceedings out for two years. Things will probably get totally ugly.

15. so . . . . what now? Am secretly sneaking things out of the house and into storage, as often and as much as I can. If he knows I'm leaving and sees me packing, he berates me until my spirit breaks. If I want to get out of here alive, I have no choice but to sneak out like a thief in the night. I could just leave with nothing but---I did that with my first marriage and regretted it. After I've actually left, I plan to finish college and get my teaching degree. I might buy a house while I'm in school--depending on how much I get in the divorce settlement.

So, that's my story. Hope it's cool for me to join, even though I haven't left my husband yet.
Comments: 2 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

Kinda [13 Nov 2013|11:38am]

detroitos
So I'm in the early stages of it, still living in the house and all that. I guess this is kind of my way of introducing myself into the community here though it looks like it's a seldom visited place.

1. how long were you married? 18 years

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Probably could have ended ten years ago.

3. when did you start having doubts? A long time ago with the feelings of distance and loneliness.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? I'm in the early stages so...

5. how long have you been divorced? n/a

6. were there any children or pets? Two boys, two girls and two dogs.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? When that time comes, I don't know that's hard to wrap my mind around. To be a PT dad is something I can't think about.

8. what did your family think? Most of them know it's ending and most of them feel sorry. Of course they do because that's what family does, they feel sorry for you.

9. when did you really know it was over? July of this year I knew we were done. There was no talk of MC or trying again. She's done.

10. was it a mutual decision? No, I mean I guess I've always been willing to try but you can't make someone want to be with you.

11. if not, who left whom? n/a

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Thinking about being away from her and my kids.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? The funny thing is when I got married I talked about a pre-nup but I was young and without a dime. For some reason I thought that marriages all end but when I got married I thought mine would be different.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? to be determined.

15. so . . . . what now? I wait and see.
Comments: get bitter with us.

[24 Oct 2013|12:18pm]

emote1975
I know there are stages of grief. I'm trying to move past the anger and hatred. I did have a good conversation last night with my ex and I woke up feeling better today. I don't want to hate her. I really don't and I want her to be happy. She wants to try again but I don't know if I can do that and I told her just seeing the lack of her involvement with our boys has really changed my opinion of her. I understand how she raised and just with whom her father is, it's the only way she knows. Her parents live outside DC thankfully so we only went there to visit a couple of times. That house was so cold...emotionally and physically. She has a brother (she had two actually) and he's not like them. He's full of life and just such a different person from them. He embraces you when he sees you and you know he means what he's saying to you and you know if he likes you, you're really special. Her mom is quiet. I've known my ex since....sheesh...1998...and I found out in 2004 that there once was another brother that had drowned when he was quite young. My ex didn't even tell me, her other brother did. There's not a trace of him in the entire house. Ben told me it changed them completely and no one really speaks about him and he didn't know why. So I get how she is it's what she knows. When we met though she was fun and funny and she was a Duke alumni and I was UK and we had so much fun with our basketball banter and we would play tricks on the other ones college stuff in the house and we laughed so much. She moved to Columbus for me and she didn't want to. Her dad wanted her back in DC working at his firm. I know the kind of law she does she needs to be closer to DC but she gave that up for me and came here. I know she hates it here & all her real friends are back there. I have 6 sisters and an Italian mother and that can be a lot on a girl. My family is completely different from hers. We're in your business, we're calling each other every day, we're randomly stopping by without notice. It was a huge adjustment for her. It was a big sacrifice. She's told me over and over she wasn't happy here that if we could try it in DC that I would like it and that I would only be 8 hours away from my family. But I was so selfish and scared, Columbus is all I've really known.

So last night when I told her I didn't think I could work it out she told me she was moving back after the divorce is final. She has been looked at by a firm in Baltimore and she will most likely accept it. She said she would come back to Columbus 4 days a month to be with the boys and that they could come there on long weekends and school breaks. She said we could all go and start over. I don't think I can do that. I don't think I could make it without the support of my family. Her family wouldn't really support us. You have to be invited to dinner at her parents house. We crash my parents house weekly and enjoy family dinner all the time. My kids don't really even know her parents and have said they aren't like other grandparents. They would enjoy being around Ben. He loves them. He's the biggest guy I know - 6'3, 275lbs, he played college football at Georgia and now coaches high school football. Has two beautiful daughters and he's an amazing father. He calls my guys every week. He's even come to visit us since the separation.
Comments: get bitter with us.

showing you my world, but everything else is mine [21 Oct 2013|08:52pm]

emote1975
This is what I find helpful in situations where I feel like I have lost my resolve: private journaling helps, lists help, knowing other devastated but equally fabulous people help. Kind words help. Being objective helps. Putting this here shows the tip of my iceberg, but I'm the ocean holding it too, and everything that moves in my waters, seen and unseen.

Then again maybe I should just pretend that we met, flirted, then had this fun friendship that remains. If only I could forget the sexual conversations, the nights in our bed, , the car rides together, the couch... But how do I forget meeting my perfect match physically???

It’s not just sex, but that is a huge part of it…. Being angry is half-hearted. It’s not just sex, but that is a huge part of it…. I find the thing I miss the most but I haven't named it - I know the love, the words, the fun, the closeness, the touch, the tenderness, the soft hands...I hadn't let myself grieve the sexual side yet. This, this will be so hard. A whole language between us, lost.
Comments: 1 bitter divorcee - get bitter with us.

score one for the good guy [21 Oct 2013|02:44pm]

emote1975
So. My ex has always been married to her career. She's an equity partner looking to become a named partner before she's 40 in a law firm. Her dads kinda a big deal in DC so she has big shoes to fill and stops at nothing to do that.

When we were together it was easy and natural for me to keep her up on the kids activities and games and make sure she was there even though she worked while being there.

With her moving out, I put in a lot of effort to remind of the boys soccer and baseball and basketball games and also that they had guitar practice or drum practice or that they were doing the crafts at home depot on this day and time and that she should come. And by remind...I would send her an email each week with the schedule of events and then text her morning noon and after work the day of to remind her. She would make some here and there and as I stated, work the whole time.

So the past month I thought screw that. I'm not her parent either and so I send out a weekly email to her and to my siblings and parents (b/c they have been stepping up to support the boys) and she has maybe hit 1-3 since then - IN A MONTH.

My oldest, Xander, gets so upset he cries the whole way home when she's not there. He almost hyperventalates b/c he is so upset and he is so angry at me. I tell him to call her and ask HER why she didn't make it. And he does this and she tells him some crap that she didn't know or didn't see that email and that maybe I didn't send it.

So now - I have HIM send the email to her, even from his own email account. Did she come this weekend???? NOPE. So when she did show up on Saturday to carve pumpkins with us he asked her flat out "why did you miss my soccer game?" and she says "I didn't know you had one today, no one told me" and he didn't even say a word...just the look on his face was like he finally got it and knows that his mother was a liar. Not that this made me happy b/c then the look on his face showed heartbreak and he excused himself and went to the bathroom and cried.

But you know what? He didn't cry for her when she left that night. He simply said goodbye and gave her a quick hug and he didn't mention her the rest of the weekend.

As much as it broke his heart knowing now whom she really is, it broke mine too.
Comments: 5 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

glittery, but yet so transparent [16 Oct 2013|08:43pm]

emote1975
There's an open bottle of wine being ignored in the kitchen, ripening into a stiff fight. Like sex without foreplay, I want lessons the hard way. I'll just sit here and hurt for a while, wishing I was like that wine, opened and ignored and ripening into a stiff fight.
Comments: 1 bitter divorcee - get bitter with us.

Survey [15 Oct 2013|08:16pm]

emote1975
1. how long were you married? 12 years

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Suddenly. She cheated.

3. when did you start having doubts? Early on, but then it would get better, but then it would just go back to the same.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? Still "separated" waiting for the big D

5. how long have you been divorced? hopefully to come soon.

6. were there any children or pets? 2 boys - 10 & 7ish - Xander & Xayden

7. if so, how are you handling custody? B/c of her job ("career"), they live with me and she sees them when she is available.

8. what did your family think? My family never really liked her b/c she was so controlling and just not a warm person, but they loved me and respected me and was always kind to her. I think they were secretly happy that it ended.

9. when did you really know it was over? April 6th, 2013 when she was caught in the bathroom with my friends husband.

10. was it a mutual decision? Well, see above. :)

11. if not, who left whom? I couldn't forgive her. I think my ego got in the way, but I just couldn't stop thinking about that and I didn't want to punish her for the rest of her life. I thought it was best to leave.

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Looking at my sons. My oldest really holds anger and resentment towards me. She's now even less available for them and they blame that on me too.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? That day - yes. I loved her with my whole heart.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? waiting to see.

15. so . . . . what now? I don't know. That's why I am here, well not really. But I just don't think I can call my friends or siblings anymore and complain to them about it. And I don't think they have a "divorced anonymous" out there. I see a therapist but I don't know...I need more people that relate.
Comments: 5 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

Survey [10 Jul 2013|09:05am]

detroitos
1. how long were you married 17 years and counting.

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Over so many years, unresolved issues killed our marriage. The issues stem from way back just never got fixed.

3. when did you start having doubts? After our first attempt at marriage counseling, must be five years at least now.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? N/A

5. how long have you been divorced? N/A

6. were there any children or pets? Four kids, Austin, Emma, Andrew and Audrey. Two dogs Otis and Lucy.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? N/A

8. what did your family think? Well I only know my mom and brother know not sure about her side. My brother said to work it out my mother was shocked but at the same time acted like she knew things were not right.

9. when did you really know it was over? 7/09/13 at around 6:45. I talked to her and basically I am the one who said to divorce, I was actually more adamant than I thought I would be. She didn't seem shocked at all and also was expecting this. I believe she wanted it so long ago and now it's real.

10. was it a mutual decision? Yes we are not being angry and both want things to go smoothly without drama, best for the kids.

11. if not, who left whom? N/A

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Feeling lonely already. I'm in the house still and have my kids here but...I know one day that will not happen. I will go home, where ever that may be, to an empty house without her and the kids. I am terrified at the thought of that.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? Yes I did. I still can't believe that's not going to be the case.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? N/A

15. so . . . . what now? I don't know. I'm reaching out to friends, family..anywhere. Still have not told the kids. If she walked in the door now and said "lets give this another try" I would but that will not happen.
Comments: get bitter with us.

*Survey* [03 Jun 2013|04:20am]

misshope89
[ mood | drained ]

1. how long were you married Six Years

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? I didn't really realize how it had been ending gradually until it suddenly became a reality...

3. when did you start having doubts? May 2012

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single?I am dating, but it doesn't feel right..like it's not him Seems like I need a distraction...

5. how long have you been divorced? Separated since February 2013

6. were there any children or pets? We share a 6 year old daughter and he doesn't care about the pets

7. if so, how are you handling custody? As of now she stays with him wed-fri nights and still gets off the bus at home everyday

8. what did your family think? They have varied between being shocked, apalled, to relieved.

9. when did you really know it was over? December 2012

10. was it a mutual decision? Yes and No

11. if not, who left whom? He left this house. I couldn't have lived with myself knowing i ended us...but I didn't let him come back when he tried either...

12. what's been the hardest thing for you?The nights when I'm all alone in what used to be our home.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? I honestly did, or I wouldn't have married him.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? At first he acted like he was going to be a pain, seems now he is going to be cooperative but his moods change like people change their underwear so the final courtdate has yet to be scheduled so we shall see.

15. so . . . . what now? Good question...
Comments: get bitter with us.

Divorce, do not pay more than $149.00 for your Divorce. [28 May 2013|08:36pm]

legalbargain
It is hard enough to go through it, don't add insult to injury by paying a fortune to a greedy lawyer when you can go to legalbargain.net, fill out a simple questionnaire and pay just $149.00 to have your divorce paperwork drafted accoding to the laws of your state. Just go to the homepage and find "Family Law" scroll down and click on "Divorce". Everything needed is right there on that page. You see STEP ONE, click and the questionnaire will download. Click "enable editing" and furnish the information as asked, save a copy for your own file and submit one to us. Next go to "STEP TWO", Click on the paypal button and pay the $149.00. Expect delivery within 24 hours. That is it. We will send clear directions of what to do next, how to get your paperwork notarized, how to send notice (service) to the soon to be ex spouse and so one. Also our telephone number is at the top of our homepage we will be glad to explain anthing that remains unclear. Afterall we are in your corner. What is more, we guarantee your satisfaction. Once you have been helped we simply ask that you tell your friends becasue we have over four hundred services that we offer for the best value that you can find anywhere. There is even a video for many of our services on our YouTube channel: legalbargaindotnet. Watch the "Two Step" Divorce video to see how easy it really is to get it done and behind you. See us at www.legalbargain.net

Scott Britton, By the way both Maria the law professor drafting your paperwork, and I have both been there and we can relate to you, each after having had our own divoces. So we really do understand what you are going through.
Comments: 7 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

6months pregnant, Seperating and need advice [27 Aug 2012|04:05pm]

jadesexkitten
Hi Everyone,
My name is Selena and I could use some advice. I am 6months pregnant and my husband has decided he wants a seperation to figure himself out. we are both worried we are trying to stick it out when we should not be and while i know myself, what i need and who i am... he is really fighting with himself internally.

I have been supporting us for 5 years while he was in school and starting a business. The business has changed 6 times. He graduated from school in his desired profession but is not building a business in what he knows... He has had small jobs here and there but when I lost my job to layoff in november 2011 he still made basically nothing. I was out of work until may, trying to use freelance to supplement (designer) and still he didnt get a real full time job until about two weeks ago. I have been paying everything and been the only one worrying about bills. The job i got in may is temporary and was originaly suppose to end on august 15th but has been extended through october 31st. Our daughter is due November 26th so it's not bad timing but becuase i can only cover the bills, he needed to get a job so we could start saving for me to be out... has been focusing on building his business really has no head for it... but it's moving along. he now has to slow that to work and is finally pulling 40-60 hours and the intention originally was to put all that in savings so that when i lose my job and have our daughter i can be home for a while with her since he doesnt want to have to deal with her and work and build his business.

So now.. he wants a seperation and tonight we discuss terms and finances and such... The advice i need is .. We are in debt. we paid all our debt off before i lost my job just for him to turn around and change the model of his business yet again and need equipment.. This equipment was to be used to bring in money from photography jobs and we have the debt and equipment but he has NEVER taken a photo job since. We got a new truck that i NEVER wanted with a bill that is hire than i would have EVER gotten becuse he needed the space to move equipment... it seemed perfect with the baby on the way but I can tote he around in a car just as easily... so we agreed mearly on the equipement front.. Truck has been used a few times for equipment but more to tote his friends and 'business' associates around... so its one or two people in the car at a time mostly. I could slap myself.

Anyway... all the debt we have accrued has been becuase of his dreams and his goals and he has never once payed for any of it.. always me... now he is gonna move out and i still have 3 months until she is due... with no savings of my own becuase i pay all the bills and he hasnt been working long enough to even see his first paycheck, however large.

He needs to get his head on straight.. figure out who he is, what he wants and what he can do... and now he wont even be home to help when i go into labor, he may have bills of his own to pay and i may not have a car but i want him to buy me out of the truck if we divorse... but for now, i have to figure out if he is still my ride in the mornings.. since we have only had 1 vehicle for over 5 years too...

We did everything together.. and now to seperate... becuase he has issues... i just...

What the hell do i do. I'm lost and i needed help... and now my help is walking... figure he'll still help... but damn. how do i rely on an unreliable person to do waht they say when they never have and now have 'other things' thye have to take care of... Why couldnt he just wait until after she was born... why couldnt we have worked this out until we were both on our feet more..

So i dont know what advice im looking for but the debt is only technically mine... all of it was for him... and i've paid for us for 5 years... and struggled through buisness changes and his depression and attitude and all that.. and now that i need his help... not only is he leaving me in the most emotinoal time in my life, the birth of our daughter... but he's finally making money and now i have to trust he will do right or handle his finances for the duration of our serperation...

I want him to get his shit together.. and come home... but if he doesnt... i will have an infant, no job and have to rely on a man that left...I am strong and can do what i have to but i needed him ... havent NEEDED him for years... just wanted him.. and now that i NEED him he bolts....

Scared.
Comments: 4 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

New Person [30 Apr 2012|06:03pm]

littlelessevil
Hello, all. I'm Katy.

1. how long were you married? We were married for seven years.

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? I gradually came to realize that the marriage was over.

3. when did you start having doubts? I had doubts a few years into the marriage, but kept myself from acting on them.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? I'm dating again, though nothing serious. Turns out dating after being involved for your whole adult life is really damn tricky.

5. how long have you been divorced? I'm currently separated and waiting to file the divorce papers, but we've been apart for four months.

6. were there any children or pets? just one little cat.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? He kept the cat.

8. what did your family think? They were incredibly supportive and agreed it was the right choice to make.

9. when did you really know it was over? October 2011

10. was it a mutual decision? Not at all

11. if not, who left whom? I left him

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Not having a constant person to turn to when my days get bad.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? I had a few doubts going into the marriage, but I wanted to believe we could make it work. I certainly wouldn't have gotten married if I thought we would get divorced.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? They are going to be rather easy. We're filing the papers together at some point, no lawyers are involved. We have no property to divide.

15. so . . . . what now? Suddenly I'm pushing 30 and I'm living with a young roommate and her three cats in an apartment and I have NO idea what I'm supposed to do now. It's confusing and I feel like I've been out of the world for a decade.
Comments: 1 bitter divorcee - get bitter with us.

newbie confused is my relationship worth saving [14 Nov 2011|12:43pm]

joeandmiley
1. how long where you married - still am for 7mths but have been with him off and on for 10 years
2. did it come on suddenly or gradually suddenly

3. when did you start having doubts about a month ago
4.remarried or dating again still legally married
5 how long have you been divorced still trying to decide if there is anything left to save.
6. any children or or pets yes to both wea a 4 yr old daughter and twin 13mth old boys together and i have a 7 year old daughter from another relationship
7 custody issues where still together so there are none right now
8. what did your family think i haven't told them where having problems i am not sure how they will react because they love him
9. when did you know it was really over i am not sure it is but idk anymore
10. was it a mutual descison he brought up divorce first but changed his mind now i am the one concedering it.
11 what is the hardest thing for you i am not sure i love him anymore or if i am just hurt that he believed someone else over a situation rather than me.
12 did i think i would be with him forever yes and in someways i still do
13 what is the hardest thing for you living with someone who seems not to trust me because of things in my past that he said he was over and now it seems he isn't.
14 what now i don't know i think thats why i am here for advice i don't know if i am still with him because i love him or if i am just with him for my kids and if he doesnt seem to trust me do we have anything to save.
Comments: 2 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

Newbie [07 Nov 2011|05:52pm]

gossamercg
[ mood | numb ]

1. how long were you married? 1 year but together 4.

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Suddenly

3. when did you start having doubts? 1 month before the end.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? Between dating and single if that makes any sense.

5. how long have you been divorced? We are in the beginning of the divorce.

6. were there any children or pets? Our 7 month old son.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? He hasnt seen him and doesnt ask.

8. what did your family think? They thought he sucked to begin with.

9. when did you really know it was over? He didnt come home so i went to stay with my mom for a while. awhile became permenant

10. was it a mutual decision? More or less his.

11. if not, who left whom?

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? I sometimes find myself missing him even though i know im better off. His son doesnt even know who he is. and he has not shown any intention on being involved in his life.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? I did. my world revolved around him and how our life would go. The house we wanted to buy the kids we were going to have. down to the stupid porch we were going to rock on.

14. how did the legal proceedings go?

15. so . . . . what now? NO CLUE!

Comments: 2 bitter divorcees - get bitter with us.

New and Devastated [01 Nov 2011|06:38am]

elputadediablo
[ mood | cynical ]

1. how long were you married? 3 years (together 8)

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? over a period of two months

3. when did you start having doubts? A year after we married and I found out I couldn't have kids

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? Going on dates but no relationship yet.

5. how long have you been divorced? 1 year and four months

6. were there any children or pets? I had a child from a previous relationship we had no children together.

7. if so, how are you handling custody? I got two out of 3

8. what did your family think? My mom and dad knew he was no good my dad said about him when he met him and I quote"That boy couldn't pour piss out of a boot with directions written on the bottom."

9. when did you really know it was over? When he kicked my daughter and I out Thanksgiving week.

10. was it a mutual decision? No

11. if not, who left whom? He kicked us out and moved me 1100 miles away..

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Him cutting off all contact with my daughter and I who he said he would always be a father too..

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? Yes..

14. how did the legal proceedings go? I let him handle it he did it all himself I wanted nothing from him..

15. so . . . . what now?
Trying to trust men again and heal and deal with my feelings about him getting married a year after being together 8 years.

Comments: get bitter with us.

Newbie [21 Oct 2011|03:33pm]

ambooty
1. how long were you married? 3 years (together 8)

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Gradually..over a few months

3. when did you start having doubts? A few months before I left

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? Single..somewhat dating but don't think I'm really ready yet

5. how long have you been divorced? 1 month

6. were there any children or pets? 3 dogs

7. if so, how are you handling custody? I got two out of 3

8. what did your family think? My family was sad, but thought it was for the best

9. when did you really know it was over? When he chose another woman over me

10. was it a mutual decision? No

11. if not, who left whom? I left him. He wanted me to stay..but be with him AND his new girlfriend. I couldn't have him without HER.

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Knowing that someone else took my place and he is with her.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? I truly did.

14. how did the legal proceedings go? Easy and quick. I did the divorce myself.

15. so . . . . what now?
I have no idea! Just trying to get through it
Comments: get bitter with us.

hearing from a ghost [14 Sep 2011|07:15am]

elputadediablo
[ mood | infuriated ]

I am new to this live journal experience so bear with me. Its been almost two years since my husband ran me off after being together 8 years and being married three of them I was told I was a badf wife and slowly driven away by my husband and finally he packed me up and dumped me and my ten year old daughter who he had raised since she was three 4 states away at my sisters house. The next time I was to hear from him would be two months later through divorce papers and then not to hear from him again until two days ago whenn he called to ask me as sweet as pie if I will kindly sign away my rights to our house. No concern for the daughter he abandoned and the two years of hell she has been through because of it.  So being the wimp that I am and still wanting to please him after all he put me and my daughter through I agreed. But after mulling it over and how he screwed me in the divorce I don't think I am going to make this easy on him what goes around comes around and I intend to make this hard on him he can go get a lawyer and have a judge make me sign the deed over sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has left to hang on to.

Comments: get bitter with us.

Newbie [11 Sep 2011|12:11pm]
baby_girl_boo

1. how long were you married? 1.5 years

2. did it end suddenly or gradually? Gradually

3. when did you start having doubts? Last year, my husband's father became suddenly ill and I also had a miscarriage. He began physically, emotionally, and verbally abusing me and was sent to jail. We tried to make things work after probation, but he has been struggling to maintain his anger and has been back and forth with his feelings towards me. I finally had to decide to end it.

4. have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? Single

5. how long have you been divorced? I am going to the divorce lawyer tomorrow to begin the process and terrified

6. were there any children or pets? I am 9 weeks pregnant

7. if so, how are you handling custody? Consulting with lawyer

8. what did your family think? They are equally hurt because they have seen me go from a very outgoing and happy person to someone that is miserable and lost

9. when did you really know it was over? When he started going back and forth about whether he wanted to live with me and support our child. When his anger continued.

10. was it a mutual decision? No.

11. if not, who left whom? I left him.

12. what's been the hardest thing for you? Having to be pregnant and go through what's supposed to be the happiest time of my life alone, while I have friends and family who are pregnant and see what I am missing in a supportive partner.

13. when you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? Yes, he was my best friend for six years. He had no past history of violence (that I knew of).

14. how did the legal proceedings go? Will find out.

15. so . . . . what now? I am working on a life plan. A way to find happiness for myself again. I have worried about his feelings for so long that I forgot who I was. It's time to find myself again and find my way to happiness. Not just for me, but for our baby.
Comments: get bitter with us.

So It Goes... [21 Mar 2011|09:17pm]

beerjudge
[ mood | complacent ]

Ironically I read this community for years but then forgot about it once my divorce started.

1. How long were you married? Married for 17 years, knew her five years before that.

2. Did it end suddenly or gradually? Gradually.

3. When did you start having doubts? Night of our anniversary where I cleaned up the house, made dinner, put the kids to bed while she was working. She went gambling.

4. Have you remarried, are you dating again, or are you currently single? I have friends that are female but I don't consider myself dating. It's going to be a long time before I even think about marriage.

5. How long have you been divorced? Moved out September 2010. The divorce was final January 2011

6. Were there any children or pets? Two kids who are probably happy not to be around parents who fight all the time. A cat I never liked.

7. If so, how are you handling custody? I travel for work so it's ad-hoc. Generally non-school nights when I'm home they spend with me.

8. What did your family think? Biological family: Mom was pissed but ultimately thought it was a good thing, no one else has expressed an opinion. I consider my closest friends to be family and they all said, "It's about time."

9. When did you really know it was over? When she freaked out after her boyfriend was pissed-off because we went out for a drink.

10. Was it a mutual decision? Timing wasn't mutual, I would have liked the kids to be a little older. We would have divorced eventually.

11. If not, who left whom? She asked for the divorce and wanted me to move out.

12. What's been the hardest thing for you? Initially we talked about this being amicable and I thought we would find our friendship again. Then her boyfriend insisted she have nothing to do with me outside of the kids.

13. When you got married, did you truly think you'd be together forever? Yes.

14. How did the legal proceedings go? Anti-climatic. Learned thought that divorce attorneys are a legal way of being a bandit.

15. So . . . . what now? I have my moments (this is the first time I've been single since high school) but overall I'm in a good place. I enjoy being answerable only to myself. As Jimmy Buffett says, "Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On"

Comments: get bitter with us.

abandonment [20 Mar 2011|06:05am]

elputadediablo
[ mood | angry ]

I just realized in therapy the other day that I haven't really mourned the loss of my marriage or the abandonment of my daughter and I by my ex husband. I want to cry and scream and break things and get it all out instead of pushing the feelings down like I have been doing. The worst part is that my daughter is hurting and there is nothing I can do to make it go away. I was with my husband from the time my daughter was 3 until he kicked us out when she was 11. She considered him her dad and was vey close to him her real father being a piece of useless shit my ex husband stepped in and was a great father to her for 8 years. He said he would always love her and stay in contact with her and come see her but she hasn't taalked to him or had any contact with him since he dropped us off at my sisters house in January of 2010. I cannot believe he would just abandon this precious girl who loved him so much and I can tell its eating her up inside. She is definitely depressed and stuffing her feelings also. She acts happy but I know she is hurting inside like hell. The only thing that she was looking forward to in moving back home to Illinois is that she said to me now I can get to know my real dad. Well that lasted only a couple months and now he won't have anything to do with her and he only lives a mile down the road from us. He has a new kid and girlfriend and has totally cut off contact with my daughter with no explanation. I have begged both men her step father and her real father to play some part in her life to have some sort of contact with her even if its just a phone call but I get no response from either. How can they be so evil don't they realize the psychological damage this is going to cause her. She is a tough little girl but at the age of 12 has already told me there's no such thing as a good man. My poor baby my heart aches for her I want revenge on these men for the pain they have caused my daughter. All I can hope is that she makes it through it all right and eventually the wounds heal. I knew my ex husband for 8 years but I guess I never really knew him at all because the man I knew would have never done this to my daughter. 

Comments: get bitter with us.

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